varying degrees of light

It isn't possible to be who I want to be to everybody... because of various reasons, but one of them is that it's not in my constitution to be a good guy. This is not okay, but it isn't horrible because I'm not supposed to meddle in everybody's business. Forcibly involving yourself onto other people and their problems because you THINK you care about them is extremely destructive.

Outside of Dan's bedroom are four, maybe five, stacks of books from the library that he will use on a research paper. Each stack is about six tall and each book is dense.
Outside of mine are the remains from that one night. Hamlet, essays of Thoreau, poems of Yeats, McCartney's Blackbird, Milton's collected works and so forth.

All around this room tonight,
now there's nothing we can do
to make each other feel alright

Instead of trying to tell me how to be
just focus on tomorrow
instead of on me

Nothing Happening, Ben Kweller



On Sunday, there should be a "Dress Up Like Your Hero" shindig. And there may very well be, even if it's just celebrated with smoke and a walk around town with me wearing a nametag that says "Elliott Smith." Or standing next to a tall white guy shaking a tambourine around, trying to get into movies.