Time Capsule

'Cause this is the next best thing from a physical time capsule, right? Accessible and open to the (semi) public - even for at least one reader in Bulgaria and one from China. Much thanks to whoever you are. I hope you feel welcome to comment and tell me what you think.

I've been 21 for four hours and fifteeen minutes now and, with a team of rag tags, hit a bar that I imagined would be much more spacious inside, but less skeezy. It did not, however, disappoint. Is it a wonderful fault of ours to ask each other, Why haven't we been friends like we are now? Where have we been? And, of course, we've been living our lives so here we are, eating french toast and pineapple and talking at four in the morning.

We're all complex beings, and we feel how we feel about each other - we don't have to tell each other anything we don't want to and, at the same time, we're able to tell each other what we want. I hope, dear reader, that I've been a loving, fighting person and that you've been proud to know me (if you do). I hope, also, that I'm the kind of person that you feel you can approach in order to express your criticism because you want me to do better and because you believe that I can be better.

Really, I've really heavily been into feedback lately.

Anyway, back to the time capsule.

The film is coming along - the timeline is much further than I had imagined it would have been and in the morning, a good amount of hours from now, we'll hit it running. For the record, Jason is very fucking good at cello, Wendy plays piano that makes you think of spring and Joel's passion and discipline for guitar makes you want to start playing again. I owe you all very much. I've learned a lot about working in groups and about my general role in such situations - I know I want to learn to be better, I've thought about what's most effective in terms of directing and delegating. I asked Prof. Hubbard if I could take Directing next semester though I didn't take the pre-reqs and she was enthusiastic about it, adding that I might benefit from a reading list over the summer to prep. Absolutely.

Summer. I have an internship with Dr. Linda Seger (Lindaseger.com) arranged for 40+ hours a week, for her and other writers to promote and research and arrange etc. in Colorado Springs. There has been discussion about making it an official Comm. Internship with Dordt (because the English department doesn't do internships), but that would mean paying $600 for working full time... and I'll be paying that for Honduras later anyway. I don't have $1,200. I've been blessed with numerous offers for housing and lodging and I don't know, honestly, how to repay the kindness. It's an unpaid internship but, as I reasoned earlier when I decided to look for unpaid work over the summer, I'm a North American, educated kid... adult now... from an intact, healthy, Christian family. I'm the last person in the world to feel the pangs of a faltering economy.
That rant makes (more) sense with the following paragraph.
I'll be in Colorado Springs from May to the end of June, and I'll be in Honduras from July to about two weeks before the next semester begins. I'm taking GEN 251 with Dr. Woodbury and six(?) sporty girls from Dordt and, AND!, I'll be capturing video and still footage for a promo. video to be used by the department. ($500 stipend from Dordt.) The program ends in the end of July, but I'll stay after to work in an orphanage that Dr. Woodbury has arranged for us to visit. As she says, our job will be to play with the kids. What?
WHAT?
Every day, I question the value and merit of a college education in English Writing. I think it's a healthy practice and I've yet to find utter, hopeless despair because it's not a lost cause and I believe literature enriches life. But there's another thing for a spoiled North American kid (I still am) to look an orphan in the eye and attempt to keep up at soccer and laugh and attempt to communicate in broken, hilarious spanish. And, I'll have my camera.
I'm 21. I've thought for a few years now that I don't have much reason to keep my thoughts to myself, in case you're new to this blog thing.
When we were in the Philippines, I felt like I needed to grow up and mature quickly in order to be a responsible adult in the world, in order to really have an affect on children growing up in garbage dumps, rifling through trash to find recyclables so the oldest sibling could go to school. How am I supposed to document that as a child, as a kid, and how am I supposed to respond as an adult? Step one - become an adult.

Follow up on Colorado Springs housing... I've gotten several responses that were willing to take in a college kid for two months. The most promising one so far is a couple with kids out of the house, the lady who emailed me is a freelance children's author and they will be gone for two weeks of the summer.

Today I heard a song that I haven't heard since I played it in Grand Rapids. It was a praise and worship song, and they often play songs that I am familiar with, even now I can't tell you which one it was, but I thought of it, and I loved it.

Praise the Lord.
I'm exhausted.
It's not a lost cause.
I want to be approachable.
Every criticism we have for others is on us as well.
You say only what you want.
When you were young, you were the king of carrot flowers.