varying degrees of light

It's Good Friday and this past week threw us under the train and dragged us along for miles. I'm at Butler's with Paul, Christina and Adam because the Bean isn't open and, sub-consciously, I think we all needed to get off of campus for a while. Christina just asked how much space there is in between citations, so it seems she's being productive here. I can't seem to get on board. I had a meeting with Professor Dengler and another with Bethany Schuttinga this week - both of them, with varying degrees of specificity, had basically to do with, "OK. What are we going to do with you?" And only a little bit past the analysis of what my problem(s), we discussed the basic question of who I want to be, to determine what I want to focus my efforts and time on. We are finite beings. I remember this from the summer after junior year and it's settling in still. Some activities, though beneficial and lovely in themselves, are not pushing me toward that one goal. So what things do I want to focus on? What notions of my humanity do I want to develop?