varying degrees of light

The celebration of what has been weighing our hearts and shoulders down was somewhat culminated in our common ritual of drink, dance and conversation at that crappy Sioux Center bar that we can not deny will be missed dearly. I'll remember several things, have been turning them over in my mind since. One being Jane and her unabashed anxiety for student teaching, her sorrow for leaving three and a half vivid years behind. Her being who she consistently is to me (speaking briefly, excitedly and in all generosity and honesty), I held her face in my hands and pleaded with her to engage fear and pain with everybody that had gathered that night. And still, dear Jane, we celebrate tonight. Yes? We cry and laugh and shout in revelry together. Jokes are funnier, eyes are brighter, songs are more alarming, drinks are more tasty, hugs are tighter and longer. Emotions are all over the place! You are going to be an amazing, capable and enthusiastic teacher and I am so proud of you. Thank you for showing your joy and wit to me for the last few years of my life. I will miss you. I am happy that you are headed where you're headed and, perhaps this is selfish, but I anticipate hearing about it soon.

Strike up the band to play a song and try hard not to cry. And fake a smile as we all say goodbye. Goodbye.