The lives we lead are indications of who we are. Now, some of you may question this idea of our existence as a friend of mine did late one evening, with that day's filming winding down, with his one (small) dailiy meal in his belly, and his first glass of wine in hand. "Alvin, Alvin, Alvin..." He said this frantically, as if he had indispensable information to relay - something about the settings on the camera or a continuity threat, I thought. I asked the actors and crew to relax for a few minutes and walked over. He looked horrible, with crayon-purple lines under his eyes, his skin was almost green. "Are we... what we do or do we do who we are...?"
I think I've found a mentor. She briefly relayed her life story with me. She listened. She didn't nod when it wasn't necessary and, help me, she reassured me, maybe without even trying, that it's under control. "God is a God of control," and we shouldn't stop making plans because of that.
Anyway - there's the Christmas banquet going on and I'm in the library, with a decent handful of other students. They're working and studying and writing, stacks of books next to their keyboards, shoes flung off long ago and shoulders hunched over in immobility. I'm honored to be here working, still, among them and to everyone at the dance with their friends, I hope they have a terrific time.
The lives we lead are indications of who we are... and, while we don't always have control over the opportunities we have, we ultimately make the decision of whether to take them or not. Even if, say, some high school senior's parents "make" him/her enroll at Dordt. Even then, of course, there is the decision to be forced.
Time will tell, but I wish I had a council of the things I fill my life with - said council would have an accurate and diverse understanding of my character, strengths, weaknesses abilities etc. Why's that? It would be fun, wouldn't it? Why not? And also, it'd be useful to have an objective view of where my strengths are. And since none of you gave me any guidanace or thoughts, whatsoever, of what I could pursue... well, here we are. What's good and bad? Blogger has an anonymous feature on the comments, if you prefer. Please enjoy.
What do we owe our friends and/or family? Gratitude and love and willingness to listen, sure. If you say so. But, to most anyone who is reading this, you don't owe me anything... or I may also say that in this way: You never have to answer to me. You never have to explain or defend yourself to me. All of that, including the action of loving or listening to me, is your prerogrative. I'm your friend and/or brother and I'll never expect the right to have you tell me things or report to me or, say, feel guilty/ashamed to tell me things (even if they have to do with me). Of course there are times when I'd love to know things, to listen to you etc. but I won't be expecting it; we're all allowed our secrets, aren't we? We're allowed to react and respond how we wish, aren't we?
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1. "God is a God of control" - this is absolutely right. but i would also add that we can't simply move forward in life with this one thing in life. there is a sense of responsibility and stewardship within us which coupled with our faith is a big part of who we are and how we come before God. we can't be all willy-nilly or nimbly-bimbly you know?
ReplyDelete2. "the lives we lead are indications of who we are" - again, i agree. but i would extend it to you who we spend our time with, our passions, vices etc. unless all those things were included in the gneral "our lives"
3. as far as having a council for direction in one's life. it is a reassuring thing to have a group of people solely present to aid you in any endeavor...whether forced (kings, tyrants etc) or not (family, friends). but further, it's comforting because it ultimately means that we do not have to do something alone and that we are not alone. the physical manifestation of this ideal is sometimes so much more than what our faith reassures us of (or doesn't).
i love you. see you in a couple weeks.
I love you L-vin. you should be a chef. I like you best when you are cooking. I like you best always, but I like you best when you are cooking.
ReplyDeleteFreelance film guy. I mean, you're already doing that anyways.
ReplyDeleteAnd someday in the far future I think you should run for a local office of sorts. Like a city council member. I mean, you sort of do stuff like that now, right?
And you should have get married and have kids some where in there because I'm sure you would make somebody a great husband and a really fun dad.
But, Alvin, why do you feel like you need to know what direction to go?