varying degrees of light

In a non-threatrical, gradual manner, I've been pushed to the edge. It wouldn't be crass and inaccurate to say that I've taken a step toward selfishness and a step away from a servant's attitude and brokenness. Bah. Damn. Fart. This is public, isn't it?

Okay. New story.

Rachel threw a five-pound bag of gummy bears at myself and others on the couch at the Bean tonight. Because I sat in the middle of the couch and, also, because I pointed out the hefty bag of candy that she held, I commandeered it, hatching an extremely mediocre plan to distract and run away from the other Bean dwellers.
It was ripped open and shared, handful by handful by anyone who cared.
And then Chuck and I played Chubby Bunny (we called if Fluffy Bunny for the first seven-or-so rounds, which I thought was more difficult and better). To end a story poorly, I won.

Not exactly satisfying, I know.

... ... ...I have more to write about, but I'm going to save it for my short story, due on Friday morning-ish.

I stayed in the Bean tonight and I made a lot of noise. Lately, I've been trying to keep from both of those things but tonight... I couldn't tell you why I changed my mind tonight but I didn't worry about it. I was almost aggressive about it for the brief moment that it crossed my mind. I didn't even really want to be there all that much - I had made plans to keep from large groups of people. No regrets tonight, a little unsatisfied but good stuff.

Dan said today that he doesn't care about junior high drama bullshit. Maybe that's what got to me. I'll acknowledge that it's insane, annoying, attention-hungry and junior high drama bullshit, but I've been willing to work around it. Shall I continue to tip-toe about?

The coolest thing about fellowship with a bunch of friends is when some of them team up and roll their eyes at each other as if I'm their annoying child or that one guy who keeps tagging along. Make eyes at each other, act like I'm a pain to have around but please keep from sticking around then. You know? Just leave. Don't make me leave because of your condescending, "I'm only happy when I'm annoyed with somebody" mentality.