varying degrees of light

Will my car be fixed and operational by Tuesday? Can I pick up my computer in Sioux Falls by then? Will I have finished my essay by Tuesday? Do I have enough money in my bank account? What do I have to do tomorrow? What should I be doing, for tomorrow, today? What should I be doing today, for today? Why do I have to work with complete idiots? Why is my manager a psycho? Won't you let me walk away? She should just... I should just,

"Every one of you is fired."

I want to just,

Zip, zip, "Fuck you."

Ha! I wrote a short story in high school about a man hanging himself and the teacher contacted the counselor who, in turn, contacted the Inspiration Hills camp group for troubled teens and what. So... I spent a weekend on the high ropes course and incense-confession-crying sessions back-to-back. You know, "Alright Alvin! Way to face your fears! Let's go light this stick of cinnamon wild berry and have a talk! ...okay, I think we've made some progress! Let's grab some pulleys! Wrap this around your crotch!" Back and forth. Once you've completed one part of the high ropes course, you don't really have any more fear. And when you can smell the cinnamon wildberry on the high ropes and Steve! is staring at you for hours on end, you end up making shit up in order to get him off your back. "Uhh yeah. I never really wanted to pee. I just always liked the feeling of holding it in and then losing control and it exploding... is that weird? Sometimes, I smell myself."

Some people don't like confrontations. Did you know that? "Maybe it'll go away... if someone had a problem with me--and I'm sure someone does--then I wouldn't want to know about it. That'd be horrible!" Ha! Oh dear.

It's cold today, but yesterday--yesterday night even--was warm.

In an outburst of violence, he wrote, "Get busy and kill them! Kill them! The quicker the better! I mean if they can't stand the truth they ought to die and be dead! Let's hope maybe they'll go to Heaven and not to Hell!"

David "Moses" Berg of the Children of God cult. Sick motherfucker.