Factory Music

I made almost a thousand basic frames for KitchenAid mixers today. I easily could've topped a thousand (I make twelve within four minutes) but I had to help new guy who is 40+ years old and is working another full-time job in addition to this one. It's okay, I'd rather help the guy than boast on my blog... but still. ALMOST a thousand.

Surprisingly, I don't get too insane after eight hours of "field assembly." It may very well be that the faint Dylan, Beatles and Queen songs heard on the radio kept me afloat. The other guys quack at me and at each other - there is no hazing involved, racist or otherwise. I can't quack like they do, they quack like they would if they were duck hunting so whenever they start, I just say, "quack quack quack" and they love it. So, camaraderie. Yes.

And still, generally, the general idea is that we are unhappy. And we don't know what to do... except to point fingers. And I was doing that anyway.

Here's just one idea - listen to more music. My friend Lisa travels to Chicago in a handful of hours for New Years. Let's hope she travel safely and has a good time. Piper was supposed to journey home today... I don't think she did. Which means she gets to spend more time at the Kroeze house and we all need more of that.

Oh God. Oh my God.

Goin' Public

But it's not really a big deal. Sometime earlier this month, I had this idea to free write every end of the day for about twenty or so minutes. The first one, I really tried to tpe constantly and quickly so as to minimize thought filgering and to keep from using the backspace button (hence the tpe and the filgering - filgering is now a word, what should it mean?). Today was a wedding....
bum bum bum... another one bites the dust!
Chris "Goffie" Van Beek and Sarah Vanden Berg... I may have misspelled her maiden name. Yeah, her maiden name...
got married this evening, December 27, 2007.
If I had the bawls and will to take advantage of open mic, I would have said...

"Okay, in the spirit of the debate and name-calling that is MARRIAGE, I think someone needs to stand up to the good sides of Chris... and I think our brothers here would echo what I am about to say. For one, we think Goffie is beautiful. You're beautiful, pal. Look at him, will you? Look at him squirm! Secondly... all that foundation-threatening you blamed on him, we love that. We go apeshit over it. We dig it. And, by the way, have you seen his trunks? We call his quads trunks. Have you? This one time - this ONE TIME - during our junior year, he took me under his wing to lift weights after school. We focused on lower body mostly and doing squats. Afterwards, we went to the Huisman house to shower and eat and I don't remember how I got down the stairs but I remember screaming in agony in the shower. I couldn't feel my legs! It was horrifying! But it was the most proud horrification I've ever felt. Ever. I still haven't recovered and I look forward to another beat down. Anyway, what I'm really trying to get at is that we're pretty protective of our kind - you know, the exclusive brothers of Unity - and with Goffie, we've got a lot to lose. Our side has taken some hits already but I don't know anyone of us that could bring out, in Chris, what Sarah does. And she does it very well. So take care of him or you'll have thirteen angry boys at your door. Also, we hope you the best and happiest. Cheers - I love you guys."

Long and winded, eh? That's how I roll? Add in a few moments of unbridled laughter and that is pretty close to what would've happened. Luckily, I restrained myself. For the record, I have taken down Mr. tree trunk legs before. It's been a practice of ours to 'rassle spontaneously whenever we're around - this particular time happened midway through first semester of freshman year in the West Hall hallway, I charged him from his front and, I swear that he knew I was coming and he was ready, but he went down and when I realized that he was pinned... by me... I began to rejoice. I might have kissed him but if I did, it was definitely on the cheeks... and repeatedly. So yeah, I love him and I know she'll take care of him and he'll give his life for her.

It's amazing that they found each other when they did so early in life. Someone raised a glass and said that, by the world's standards, they are way early because they need to learn about themselves before marrying someone else BUT they already know who they are because they are Christians. Get it? They know they are children of God, so they don't need to learn about themselves.

Yeah, I didn't get it either.

No, I know. I disagree too.

Jen Arndt is back from Germany. It was good seeing her and hearing from her - I have to remember to pray for her. My gosh. I have to remember to pray for her.

I read a magazine article about some monks in some monastery and they were making cheese or wine or something exciting and they said that their occupation was to pray and the cheese/wine was so they could fund their occupation. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard... and I wanted to become a monk. Wouldn't my parents be pissed?

Maybe I should. We make decisions all the time - we should make them and stand by them.

I love you, reader. I hope your break is going well. Remember to pray for everyone.

That time I almost cried over a dog

It was an extremely good night.

I relived the better, the brightside, of the last year or so - in terms of work - and, amidst the bum-rushing and mischief, I saw I Am Legend. For free. And that made it a little better, overall.

There's a lot to be said... because I was/am under the impression that Will Smith takes the same role in most of his movies, plays himself (charming, funny black man) INTO his roles and... well, I read in a magazine article that when he was trying to "make it" he and some other fellow chronicled the most successful (commercially) films of all time and drew what they had in common (things like "special effects" with or without destructive creatures, oooooh!). Hence... Men in Black(s), iRobot, Bad Boys, Bad Boys II, freaking Wild Wild West and, now, I Am Legend.

I hope I bring myself to write more about this later. But I'll say, as a preface, that we sat in the front row and it was uncomfortable.

front row seating
+
cinematographers disregarding the pan/tilt rule of 7 seconds
+
really trendy hand-held camera work (paired with gorgeous crane shots, mind you)
+
myself feeling very full already
=
a headache to be reckoned with

I have my last exam in a little bit and just spent the past twenty minutes reading up on the basics of compost and composting. It was fascinating. Not that Clive Staples' ideas on love(s) isn't fascinating also - it is a necessary read for everyone on campus - and they are both applicable... well, maybe not compost as much during this season, but

...two friends picked up my brother from the airport the other day. I asked him what he thought of them, Jake and Piper. "Your friends are all hippies." Jake and Piper? If making out uncontrollably and insatiably makes you a hippie... well, yeah I guess it does.

On that note, which major of study is, for lack of better standards, the best?

http://theshapeofdays.com/2004/04/08/how-you-remind-me-of-someday.html

Disorder

I'm in Psych class... do you think Homosexuality is a cognitive disorder?
Is it chemically/mentally abnormal?

The four indications of abnormal behavior or mindset that we just got on our notes are

1) Statistical Deviance
2) Cultural Deviance
3) Emotional Distress
4) Dysfunction

...ok, so there's a girl who has proved to the class to be very, very dumb talking about how of course it (homosexuality) is a disorder because life is a lot harder as a gay. While this isn't the reason for the post, not everybody is a Christian in a small town in NW Iowa where there are seven churches in a two-mile radius. Which means that, more and more, it is becoming acceptable to be a homosexual in the world... which means

1) There are more and more homosexuals in the world
2) Our laws and tolerance are shifting towards general acceptance, generally, as a society
3) We read some texts over the weekend about how, by their 20s, homosexuals usually make their peace with their sexual orientation
4) Only until you "make your peace" would the struggle keep you from living your life

In this world today... which, on the one hand, is good - people who are struggling with personal orientation should never feel rejected or abandoned by society.

But here's the question.

Say it IS a mental disorder (strictly a hypothetical). What if the individual does not want to be cured? Say he/she embraces her homosexuality and chooses to live with it.

What if someone suffered from Major Depression, but felt that they did not want to be cured (with neither medication nor therapy)? Immediately, I thought of Hemingway and Woolf and a billiong songwriters - all of their works were affected by their depression/adversity. What if Ms. Dickinson didn't suffer from agoraphobia... would she have written less poems? Different poems? I don't know or imagine that she embraced her disorder... but can you imagine? If F. Scott Fitzgerald wasn't an alcoholic... he wouldn't need to write for booze money... which is what we were taught in high school.

On the one hand, I guess it doesn't matter - in this case - whether it is a disorder or not. But it does matter a bit because... if/when we (in our place in history) reach the point where homosexuality is the complete norm, there is not way it would be considered a disorder - even if discoveries were made in the physical brain anatomy (and they HAVE made some already: they don't allude to homosexuality as a disorder, but more as an inherent "born with it" condition).

OKOKOK. Here's the plan. I'm going to get some sleep in the darkroom... in a little less than four hours, when the library is open, I'm going to wake up and find some sources on my boy Dylan Thomas to fill a little less than a page of my paper. Then, I will edit my paper, turn it in and voila! Alvin has finished everything for his Monday classes. Does everyone get it? Okay. Break!

Edit: The darkroom has a bare cement floor. It is a mega bitch to sleep on. My ribs hurt. But my paper has been turned in and both things for Psych. have been turned in. That's called sacrifice and dedication, holmes.

You've Changed, Man

This is probably my most-listened-to/favorite Jars of Clay album.
If I Left the Zoo.
Floopy Sarah once said, in regards to their newest album that they aren't as cool and appealing as they used to be... back when they were solidly organic and then the branched into distortions and touched on different genres. Which is good. And they expanded from their totally raw first album and-I know niche isn't really a good word to use when a band should develop-but they were aware, at least, of their niche. They knew what they were good at, what made them into a big deal and sprung off from there. They had a grasp of instrumentality and they knew how to mix sounds together.
I s'pose I haven't heard much of Good Monsters.... and, apparently, it's a touch back to the rock influences they had when they were starting off as a band...
Who We Are Instead, I remember, had a lot of songs I appreciated (a few that I absolutely hated too) but I think my initial thought was that they attempted to be concise or simplistic or whatever but they came off as lazy. I should listen to it again.
I didn't realllllly like the Redemption Songs they did. At all? Well, maybe a bit.
I don't know.

It's a campus visit day today - there are prospy kids giggling and sitting behind me playing cards. The kids that were tiny and squeaky voiced when were were seniors are here, ready to pay tuition and attend our classes and play football with us next fall. It's freaking us (Ben is here too, flipping out over his Organic Chem. test) out man.

I was going to get to bed at ten frickin' thirty last night and get... twelve hours of sleep. BUT, I remembered I had a psych paper due today on homosexuality. So I stayed up doing that, kicking ass at that, and then I woke up a bit from that because of the Cherry Coke and the conversations and the James Dobson spewing shit and telling a wide array of scientists that they suck at their jobs. I like that guy... but anyway, I got to bed, after paying my dues, around four AM. I was going to shower this morning. It didn't happen, but no one said has said anything... yet. Thank God for deodorant. What a weird word. De-odor-ant.

Is the plural for panini, panini? I want to make food... for a living...? George Orwell's story about killing an elephant is from his time as a policeman in Burma. Awesome. It's a great story.

Jars of Clay - Goodbye, Goodnight
Gorillaz - Fire Coming out of the Monkey's Head

Tonight, I was reminded as to why I signed up to major in English: Writing.
And then I remembered that one time on the bus ride back from our senior trip (Omaha zoo and mystery dinner theatre on a train... that was awesome). It was pouring rain and the streets well very well flooded, the giant yellow school bus trudging along and them in the back, licking each other and letting off four years of ridiculous behavior and drama. We were in the front, calm and collected and sweating the moisture off of us. We went around the circle and discussed what one thing we wanted to do before we died - something of a legacy or accomplishment with what we knew of ourselves at the moment (which, the time being, we thought was a hefty amount). I said I wanted to write a novel.

Sarah, was that esoteric?

A Moment of Reflection, A Use of Time

There are a billion things we know we should do but, for one reason or another, we don't anyway. In a handful of pages, I'll be caught up in my reading for last Friday's Modern British Lit. assignment. It's an extremely important and well written book and I love reading it, but it takes time to pore through each sentence - one cannot do this while watching Brokeback Mountain, spending time with the family, visiting, catching up with a friend while printing photos, hearing a story from another friend while printing other photos.

Tonight still, I should pray for my aunt (who is going to have a biopsy and hopefully she doesn't have breast cancer or, if she does, that it is caught early enough to be treated), Tink and Jina and the fact that they are due on Wednesday, my mother (who turns something in her early 40s tomorrow... today, I guess), my friend with _________, and my other friend who is going through something similar, my friend and problems with ________ etc.

Furthermore, there should be room enough at the end of a day to reflect upon thoughts and events. The ideas that have been looming in the mentality of day-to-day studies and ambitions. Should I go for an individual studies? I went to see a counselor last Thursday and was encouraged to take note of the events in which I find myself the most content or satisfied...

1) cooking
2) viewing or talking about films
3) listening to and talking about music
4) taking, developing, printing and talking about photos
5) reading, writing

It's quite a list - I know. So much of this (and all of what hasn't been named) isn't included on the English: Writing major guideline. There are scant writing courses that Dordt offers anyway, not to mention the fact that one of the key English profs that can instruct in writing will retire next year.

Compartmentalize... and, "Who do you want a boyfriend so badly? You won't be having any babies while you're in college so calm down!"

I want to make a mix cd.

Mr. Tambourine Man

Maybe a big part of my motivation/functioning/depression problem is that I haven't established an efficient workspace. I'm in the lab downstairs in the dormhall that I hate. I should ask Jake if he wants to take a shot at fixing my laptop. One of the more significant, reocurring day dreams I have is, I suppose, for a workspace-type region, a location that I frequent and can handle writing, photo, hold my books and dvds and play my music, keep tea plants and burn incense. It's in my head, rearranging itself constantly, but it's beautiful.

To-do lists are great. Even the ones for specific days that plan out the obligatory tasks one must satisy. Betsy and I are compiling a to-do list for life and it makes me ambitious and restless in a good way. We send the paper back and forth during philosophy - I promise to put it on here sometime soon.

My brother called me a few days ago while I was napping. I should get back to him, but I don't really like talking on the phone with my brothers because they like to tell me what my situation is or what I need to do. Aside from that, it's always a very rushed conversation. Another person to write to. The legions of women reading this blog are thinking that that is typical man behavior... they may be right. I suppose it is a feminine desire of mine to have a conversation with someone where both sides listen but to hell with feminine/masculine labels; this is basic human communication. It is that he wants me to be well and that he feels like he knows what I'm going through or that he wants to provide support and a solution for me, his younger brother. Honestly, you'd think that he would realize that it only frustrates and discourages me when he gives such a succinct answer. What I think when he does this is, "Okay, you aren't really taking this seriously... so I'm going to start nodding now..." I hope he's doing well.

I think I'm going to develop rolls of film by twos instead of by fours or sixes. I really need to pay closer attention to the temperature of the chemicals - for the small town project, I guess the temp. varied pretty harshly between developer, stop wash, fix etc. and the grain was pretty visible on the prints, even on the small one of the kid posing next to his car. I mean, I deliberately made a smaller print of that to avoid compromising the clarity. Elbert said it might be my camera. Doug said it was the developing temperatures. I hope it's not the camera.
Apparently, at the Omaha camera show, you can get a complete darkroom outfit for $100. Seriously? My gosh. This whole aspiration to be poor but writing and taking photos and owning part of a gallery with my commune is getting closer to a reality. This is going to happen.

I'm banned from DordtTalk... but there is a thread going on that someone I dislike and do not respect started. About Nickelback and how she likes Nickelback, unashamedly, and wants to discuss why a lot of people don't like Nickelback. She misspelled Nickelback and, in explaining why she likes them, she cited that she enjoys their sound. I hate her and she is dumb. She also claims to have an eclectic taste in music and to enjoy music in general.
You can't claim to be eclectic while liking a few random bands of different genres... well, I guess you can in the general definition of eclectic.
How about this? You can't claim to care about and enjoy music generally if you don't give at least a little thought to all aspects of a song/band (lyrics, melody, instrument, originality, production, energy etc.). If you say you appreciate a band (and seriously enjoy music) and the reason being that you like their sound, I'm not going to take you seriously.

I'm all friggin' for people liking different bands/genres but you should at least be able to discuss and back up your repertoire if you claim to like music, generally. And if you get your ass handed to you in rebuttal, you shouldn't get mad and stop talking. It doesn't take a lot of ingenuity and effort to make pleasing sounds but pleasing sounds aren't always music.

That said, I think I should state that I do appreciate pop music... a lot of pop music actually. This is a big discussion; it is bigger than myself.

Quick Question

OK. Michael Bay sucks... and the elaboration that will follow has to do with the entire genre of filmmaking. For a preface, go to his info on imdb and scroll down to the forum where people are all, "I don't care that his films have shitty dialogue and story and character! Plots be damned! They are good, American entertainment! Just look at how rich he is!" It makes me sick.

Finding Neverland has some really word colors, choppy editing and not the best shots - but it is one of my favorite films.

Adaptation. Nicolas Cage is two-fold in Adaptation. Huh? BUT, try and believe me, he is awesome in it. And so is Meryl Streep and Chris Cooper. I should just be able to say Chris Cooper and it would justify the brilliance of the film, but it is a great film in itself... because of originality, acting, Kaufman, Jonze etc.

The question is, because a lot of you have voiced that you'd rather keep a lid on my cynical/condescending/arrogant/nit-picking/critical reviews on films and music and lifestyle... should I make a separate blog fo' this?